Fangirls: We Squee Because We Care, featuring @DurtyNelly68!
I think some of you already know that I squee like a Bieberfreak when it comes to DurtyNelly and her fic,Buried Amongst the Begonias.
She even blessed me just the other day with the opportunity to pre-read for one of her new ditties that she’s just started working on. *Irish jigs* So one day, like an anvil out of the sky, it occurred to me that us crazy-ass WordyBitches have never subjected her to the questionnaire of all questionnaires, the analprobe of all analprobes, a picking of her brain that even Sharon Stone would get off on.
The Fangirl Interview.
In her own lovely DurtyNelly way, she was all, “I dunno. I may piss off some people,” and in my own WB way, I assured her lovely derriere and said, “Don’t worry. We WordyBitches piss off someone everyday.”
*smiles*
So without further ass-kissin’, I give you the…
DurtyNelly
Who do you fangirl over?
Mostly other writers in various horror genres and sub-genres. You know, the kinda guys that look like they’re one beat up old van away from being a rapist. Stephen King, Edward Lee, Jack Ketchum, Clive Barker, Wrath James White, Chuck Phalahniuk, Carlton Mellick III.
If we took you to Walmart with your ears plugged and played “Name That Gender”, how many hermaphrodites could you correctly identify?
At least one, because everyone knows the Wal-mart greeters are all hermaphrodites. What’s harder to pick out are the eunuchs.
If you had to star in a fanfiction lemon with Edward dressed up like Carmen Miranda or Peter dressed up like Yoda, which would you choose and why?
Peter. Because taking it in the ass is fun and I’d like to be able to say, “Yes … yes, strong your cock is, young Whitlock.”
Yes, he would certainly do *something* to you ass…
Which do you prefer: midgets, Rapey the Clown (who is less handsey than he sounds), or the elusive penis-nosed fox?
HA! “Rapey the Clown” … That’s classic. I think he mighta been at my cousin’s birthday party last year. But, I’ll have to go with midgets. About six years ago, one was drunk driving and t-boned my husband’s Jeep into a light pole. She totaled his baby with this big Holden Commodore, shattered his left collarbone and put him in the hospital for two days. It was pretty scary, but everything turned out fine. Her insurance paid for a new vehicle and his bones mended in time… But there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, that shuts him up faster when we’re in a crowd of his friends and he’s being that special brand of asshole that only my husband can be, than whipping out that story for the crowd.
Btw, it is a TRUE story, folks … my husband was put in the hospital by an 18-year-old drunken, female midget.
How do you deal with writer’s block?
I read. I sit down and read four, five, six books one after the other in the span of a few days, and it works every time. I’m not really sure why. The only thing I can think of is that it reignites my desire to create when I see someone else’s creation, like an artist finding inspiration from The Louvre.
If you were a vamp, what would your gift be?
I’ve often pondered this, because most of the vamps in Twilight seem to have some kinda power or special attribute. Being able to control time would be nice. Then, I could stop the clock for a few hours and write. I never seem to have time to just sit down for even two consecutive hours and write.
Finish this sentence: There isn’t a sea bass’s chance in Doodoosville that I’d ever__.
Want to fuck Robert Pattinson. Sorry, people, but I find him rape-shower creepy.
*Chip goes apeshit*
*Tina laughs her ass off at Chip*
Why does grape flavoring smell the way it does when grapes smell and taste nothing like it?
I’m not really sure, but when I was little, grape was my favorite flavor. Count yourself lucky if you have the option of grape. Here in Oz, I hardly see grape anything. All we have is black current, and that tastes more like three-day-old dog turd than black current.
Which extrasensory reading power would you rather have: the ability to comprehend words by licking them or the ability to comprehend words by rubbing them on your ass?
I do that second one every time Charlaine Harris publishes a new book, but if the pages were raspberry flavored, I’d prefer the first option.
Thongs or granny panties?
Neither. No underpants at all.
*attagirl*
What do you look for in a beta?
Blunt honesty. There is nothing worse than someone who’s supposed to be helping you improve fangirlin’ all over you like a twelve-year-old at a Justin Bieber concert. *erp* The same goes for pre-readers, whichevery author should have. Someone who always tells you that you’re the best writer in the whole gawt-damn world is no good to you. You have your Momma for that shit.
What would you do if you saw an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Sing Ironic by Alanis Morissette.
My own mental illness. lol. The ideas for my stories come from all kinds of different places – music, movies, books, people I know, people I don’t. I tend to develop characters first and then once I get to know them, the story comes afterwards.
If you were deserted on an island with only one fic and your choice of alcohol, what would they be?
I don’t really read fanfiction much, so I’ll pick a book. Flesh Gothic by Edward Lee and Crushed Pear Cider.
What are the best and worst reviews you’ve received, and what do you like in a reviewer?
The best ones tell me what they like and why, along with what they don’t and why. Fanfiction is a tool. You use it to hammer out rough spots in your writing. When a reviewer can logically and intelligently tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly, then that is a top-notch review.
The ones I really dislike are the ones that say nothing about the story. Like, I got this review for my short story ‘My Heart Bleeds for You’. At the end of the story, I used a few lyrics from the song Lake of Fire and credited Nirvana for the song, because I prefer their 1993 MTV Unplugged rendition to the Meat Puppets original version. The review just said, “Lake of Fire is not a Nirvana song, it’s The Meat Puppets.” Really? No shit … I didn’t know that even though I grew up in the Grunge era, idiot. So now that we have the musical accreditations sorted out, what about the flippin’ story? Shit like that chaps my ass worse than using Charlaine Harris novels for toilet paper.
How do you feel when you read someone’s fic and it’s obvious they used your idea, only they made it worse? Better? (We know that lines are gonna cross because we’re all writing about the same peeps and in English, hence the word ‘obvious’.)
I haven’t run across this yet. But, I think I might have a bit of a different view on this than what other fanfiction authors might. As long as it’s not word-for-word (because that is just wrong), I could care less. If someone wanted to take a Masen-like character and do their own little story with him, I’d say, “Have fun.” We all use Mrs. Meyer’s characters. Yes, to an extent they are ours, but the idea for them came from somewhere within the original construct of their Twilight characterization. Even Masen. If you wanted to break him down into original Twi construct, then it would be easy to see that he represents Edward’s bloodlust; the monster inside, if you will. Therefore, I have about as much right to get upset over someone taking a Masen-like character and using him in a story as Charlaine Harris has to be pissed over Twilight itself. If you read both series, Twilight (2004) and The Southern Vampire Mysteries (2001), they are so close in so many ways that it’s nearly sickening, but that is the way it goes in the world of writing. Everything that can be done has been done, and 100 times over. Your job as a writer is to tell that same crappy, over-fried story in a way that is new, fresh and interesting.
If you can’t do that, then don’t despair … hacks get published everyday.
Which character do you love to hate? And LOVE to love? And by love, we mean fuck.
None of the characters really did that for me in the Twilight Saga. They each had things that I found really annoying, even Edward, but none of them made me hate them like some of the other villains in books that I’ve read. One of my favorite antagonists of all time has to be Big Jim Rennie in Stephen King’s Under the Dome. God, that man made me rage. He had everything that makes me fume all rolled up into one infuriating character. Another one, but to a lesser extent, is Joffrey Lannister from the A Song of Ice and Fire Series by George R. R. Martin. But, none of the Twi characters did that…though…Aro creeped me out like you would not believe.
Oh … I think you know I’d shag Edward rotten. LoL. I’ll leave it at that.
*Chip raises brow*
If you had to change your penname, what would it be? (We heard JelloPubes is available but Mr. Wee-Wee Tail is not.)
Damn! Some thieving bastard took Mr. Wee-Wee Tail? Where is the justice? I’m not really sure what I’d pick. I’d probably just use my pinname from my Writer’s Forum. OhTheHorror.
Would you rather be able to hear every cell phone in your neighborhood ring or smell every fart?
Ugh … the phones, for sure. We own a British Bulldog, and when he breaks wind it’s like Chernobyl all over again in my living room. He has the kinda gas that seeps into the paint and carpet, so the next morning your whole house still smells like an elephant took a fresh, steaming shit on your head. I finally made my husband kick the little bastard outside, because all the air freshener in the world wouldn’t fix that mutilation of the olfactory senses.
Which one is yours?
Is it your belief that beans are magical fruit even though they are a vegetable?
Yes, but not as magical as Brussels sprouts.
Tell us about yourself. Married? Single? Kids? Age? Whatever you’d like to share.
34. Married. 2 kids. 2 dogs. 2 rats. 7 fish, and 1 crayfish. I go to University. I’m doing an MS in Psychiatric Nursing and a BS in English at the same time. Never said I was sane. I like camping, horseback riding, and being suspended from my bedroom ceiling. On my Facebook profile one of my “People Who Inspire Me” is a porn star. I have one sibling, a younger brother. I grew up on a horse farm in Ellenboro, West Virginia. After I moved to Australia, I stopped getting snotty looks when I told people where I was from, but started getting “West Virginia Mountain Momma” bellowed in my face instead … Well, until I ran into another American from Atlanta and told her where I was from, then the snotty look made a come back. My husband is Australian, dominating, aggravating as fuck and if I wasn’t so sickeningly in love with him, then I’d be tempted to set him on fire while he sleeps. I miss my parents, snow, and A&W Root Beer, but love the Australian way of life.
What got you to start reading Twilight Fanfiction? Do you remember the first fic you read?
I liked the books, but there weren’t enough of them. I already knew about the existence of fanfiction, so I went to fanfic.net and started reading. I can’t remember the first fic I read … I think it might have been ‘The Submissive’, though.
Which are your favorite stories?
How about favorite books?
Invisible Monsters – Chuck P
Like Porno for Psychos – Wrath James White
A Song of Ice and Fire – George RR Martin
Flesh Gothic – Edward Lee
Urban Gothic – Brian Keene
The Books of Blood – Clive Barker
Slaughter House High – Robert Devereaux
Dead Sea – Brian Keene
The Clickers Saga – J.F. Gonzalez
Choke – Chuck P.
What’s the atmosphere like when you’re writing? Music…quiet…kids screaming and ripping each other apart or husband bitching in the background? Do you drink and/or smoke?
I usually write after everything else is done–family all asleep, schoolwork done–so it’s always 2am and pin-drop quiet. Sometimes I use headphones and listen to music, but that all depends on what I’m working on.
Which fics are you reading right now, and which ones have your complete attention whenever they pop with an update?
There’s only one that I’m reading right now, and I’m behind on it. lol. But, it’s “The One That Never Was,” by Mamasutra.
Tell us a secret! Seriously, a real life secret! We won’t put this in the interview if you don’t want us to, but we want to post a pic of a kitty flashing their butt with a sign that says “We know a secret!” There might be a “Nanny-Nanny-Boo-Boo” thrown in as well. *shrugs* You can tell by the name of the blog that we’re not exactly mature.
Buried Amongst the Begonias is the first installment of a four part series.
*Chip squeeeeees like a mofo*
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